It first started having this dream where its raining and I am walking home from the lightrail station near my street. I just finished recruit training in the Marine Corps and I am dressed in Service Alphas with a C-Bag in my hand. As I walk down the street I see this girl I guess I love that is in my geometry class (I talk to her from time to time but I doubt she wants to go further) standing with an umbrella crossing a street. So I catch up to her, ask her for coffee and we walk to some small coffee shop. Next thing I know that she dissappeared so I search for her. I walk outside, to the alley and I see her stand in the end of the dark alley. I have a KA-Bar (knife) in my hand as I walk toward her but then I black out. As I woke up I was terrified.

My second nightmare is I imagine myself murdering someone. I don’t remember who or what but I was angry. When I woke up from this one I was also terrified.

What do these two dreams mean?

USMC
0411
Rifleman
Semper Fi

I’m transgendered (MtF). I was born male and identify as a woman. I wont be having surgery or taking hormones but I do live crossdresssed as much as possible. I’ve come out to my friends, family, and a few of my coworkers in the last year. Most people accept me but don’t want to see me dressed. I don’t force those close to me to be around me dressed though some let me to be nice.

I’ve worked for 4 years in a world famous hotel with a large staff from all over the world. I am not an employee of the hotel. I work for a company that keeps permanent offices in the hotel to provide a service under contract. For the most part, everybody thinks of me as a hotel employee and I am well liked by much of the staff. I wont be transitioning on the job for personal reasons.

The hotel has its holiday party in late Jan and I want to go wearing a dress. I don’t care what others think but could they fire me? Could I sue? Remember, I’m dealing with two companies here.
I see what’s happening in my life as my way of being the change I want to see in the world. I compare it to women, blacks, and gays fighting to earn their right to live free. I am not an activist at heart, so I’m not out actively forcing change. I’m just trying to do my little part by having the courage to be myself.

That said, going to this party dressed is not so much about activism but about me proving to myself that I can do something like this. I know it wont be okay for a lot of people, but it’s a big part of my own journey. People really like me, and those who are evolved enough to get past this issue often become closer and better friends. So, I’m really just up against extremely narrow minded people. I wonder what the legal situation would be if narrow-minded people tried to fire me. Even though I’m not an activist, I would sue if put in the position, and take it to the Supreme Court if it came to that. But I don’t have the money to hire a lawyer. ACLU maybe?

There are bussinesses that pretty much you go in as a guy and they make you up to look like a woman. They do everything including a acompany you on a shopping trip and photo session. One I found is in San Francisco called "Adam to Eve Transformations". Anyone have any experiences with these bussinesses? How are they? Are they worth the price they ask? I think having professionally taken photos of me as woman would be so awsome to have.